.

It is always with absolute inconvenience that realizations strike me. In the middle of dinner when everyone else is laughing at some joke, my brain sparks: an epiphany is nothing but synapsis. I look around for a piece of paper or something that can help me remember, there is nothing. It is usually followed by a question addressed to me: isn't it?  And I look around a bit confused, have I just woken up in this situation? It is, indeed. I say. And I have this bitter feeling, I am not really enjoying reality because I get caught in my brain making sudden realizations about things I cannot change. But then again, I am not really nourishing and profiting from whatever the hell my brain is doing either because I have to handle a social situation happening around me ALL THE TIME.

Loneliness, I think. I will be ok when I am alone, I'll think deeply about this and get to the bottom of this question. For now, I should just enjoy the company of my friends and my family. And then I am  alone. The wind blows fiercely outside and it is rather cold. Perfect conditions for someone like me to think and write and make something out of all this babbling that my head goes into. I sit down, the cursor blinks on the screen. Nothing. I check my phone for the notes I have taken when I was caught in my own little world.

"An epiphany may be, for some people, an experience of divinity, but it is actually not inspiration from the Christian god. Christianity, or at least Pentecostalism, implies that faith is a state of absolute certainty in relation to God, even if one does not understand it. The spiel is, and many churches capitalize on giving people the reassurance they think they need to carry on, that whatever happens in your life happens for a reason decided by God so that you can serve his purposes."

Stupidity. Why did I write that? It doesn't amount to anything really. I can see many incongruences in this note alone and, also, I can`t help but believing in solipsism. I was probably just angry at something someone did in the name of God.

I'll explain myself:

If the omniscient Christian God has all under his plans, there is no freedom of choice. He knows whatever you chose, are choosing (English much...) will choose. That implies that there is no actual choice, no actual freedom and therefore no sin. If God knows the end of this, what is the actual point? Wasn't it like a bet between God and Satan and ...

I don't understand why I am missing out on my life to overthink some stupid poorly put together religious bullshit that has been edited and watered down and twisted for centuries
. Let's stick to now, to what I know: